when u sneeze in front of your pet and they look like you’ve just offended their great ancestors
So I was talking to my friend about colouring books and she showed me this one.
And then there was this page.
And finally this absolute gem!
How amazing is this book?! I want one.
Kacy Catanzaro: the first woman in history to qualify for Mt. Midoriyama.
I just need everyone to watch this video [x]. She’s a 5 foot, 100 lb gymnast and she beasts through this insanely difficult, heavily upper body focused course like it was her morning jog. The camera keeps cutting to these massive, musclebound men in the audience with their mouths hanging open.
The cutest nose of all!
So this past weekend I was at a house party and happened to see the single most miserably neglected fish I have ever seen in my life. The water had an opaque layer of something that looked kind of like grease on top and the single fish inside was listless and shrivelled. It smelled FOUL and the guy hosting the party said that they had noticed the fish being kind of stupid since they had changed the water last time (which must have been like a fucking year ago) by just running the tub into the tank.
Being full of whiskey and compassion(?), I naturally decided that the fish was now mine and reached into that disgusting cesspool with a ziplock bag, took the fish home, cackling to myself because what I was doing was just so weird.
The next day I went out and got a tank, like, I dropped 100$ for a stolen goldfish that cost 4.38$ at PetSmart. I went to a locally owned small pet shop called Paws N’ Jaws and the woman there was super helpful and even gave me some free plants with the tank. Ended up being up til like 2 in the morning with school the next day at 8 setting the stupid thing up, panicking about dechlorinating the water etc etc.
These are his new digs, live plants, snaily companions. He’s perked up A LOT since being moved to an environment that actually has oxygen in the water, and has shown marked improvement in his ability to eat. For the first day or so, his motor skills appeared to be completely fucked up and he had a hard time swimming and eating, he would suck up food and then just spit it right back out. Now he’s having a great time, eating well harassing the snails, trying to eat the plants and zipping around the tank for no apparent reason like a moron, but a happy moron. I really enjoy watching him.. or her.
Admittedly I might have done this even if I had been sober, but I like to think this is proof that not ALL decisions made when drunk are bad ones. I regret nothing.
You are a lovely human being. <3
YOU WENT TO A HOUSE PARTY AND STOLE A GOLDFISH OH MY GOD THAT’S THE BEST DRUNKEN STORY I’VE EVER HEARD
this makes me happy